Sometimes I think my journal is a time bomb. Sometimes I write things about people or situations that I would never dare to express loudly. I know how it could be hurtful but it is what is in my mind for the moment, it can not help it or change it.
Writing without censoring ourselves is a difficult challenge. It can even seem dangerous and you can get the feeling your whole life will be ruined if these lines would be read by a non-authorized person. It’s not true of course, your life will just be different, not ruined.
I keep a journal to clear my mind and to dive in my thoughts as deep as I can. If I start to lie to myself, what is the point? Quoting Billy Joel, I could say "Honesty is such a lonely word / Everyone is so untrue". Yes sure, everyone is untrue and this is the reason why journaling is THE place to be absolutely true to YOU. Actually the only place where you can express everything you have inside you without being judged, gambling with a relationship, jeopardizing a friendship or risking to be on the edge of your community.
I don’t have the ambition to publish my diary one day, I don’t invite others to read it, I keep it secret and this is what gives me the security to express radical honesty.
How do I keep it secret? Well, you might be disappointed. It’s not locked in a drawer; it’s not hidden in a cache. It’s in a place where no one is supposed to snoop. So it can be found? Of course, everything can be found if the desire exists! For my part I believe that if I keep my journal in a place dedicated to my single use, it’s enough to preserve its confidentiality.
I archive my old journals on a bookshelf. I tied each journal up so it cannot open. Someone could cut the ties… but this is not my responsibility anymore. And I’m sure a person able to do such a thing does not deserve a place in my life.